


Time To Rest Your Weary Head

by maraudersimp



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Chronically Ill Remus Lupin, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Good Peter Pettigrew, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, James Potter is a Good Friend, Lily Evans Potter is a Good Friend, M/M, Sirius Black is a Good Boyfriend, Sorry Not Sorry, but he's dead..., domestic wolfstar is the best wolfstar, it's pretty sad, remus has cfs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:33:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28713588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maraudersimp/pseuds/maraudersimp
Summary: prompted by Jacob Collier's song of the same titleRemus had CFS/ME (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/Myalgic Encephalomyelitis), it's a neuroimmune disease that leaves every cell in your body and brain completely exhausted and it isn't improved with rest. Flare-ups can be triggered by physical and mental stressors like walking up the stairs too quickly or talking with friends for too long. It can be quite isolating and is always exhausting, but for mildly affected sufferers - like Remus - there are periods of time where they can pretty much operate as abled people (within reason, of course).I recently wrote a vent thread on Twitter (pinned on @maraudersimp) about my experiences with CFS/ME and how I feel Remus's lycanthropy is similar and relatable, so I suppose that's what prompted me to start writing this. Remus being expressed as able-bodied in muggle au's has never sat right with me, there's so little disabled rep in the fandom and even less in wider media that I feel 'fixing' him for the sake of an au erases a key element of the character and his development.I hope you enjoy this Xx
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 40





	Time To Rest Your Weary Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW:  
> Remus experiences derealisation/depersonalisation in this chapter, it's a fairly common symptom for people who have CFS/ME and it usually indicates the beginning of a flare-up. It can be quite scary but Remus is good at coping with it so it isn't too intense.

_The time has come for me_

_To tell you all the things I really feel about you_

_Cuz lately time's been moving on_

_And every day we seem to grow a little older, too_

_The more I think of you_

_The less I seem to know the way I feel about you_

_And all I think is all I know_

_And all I know is all I want to think about is you_

Chilled air bit at Remus’s face and ears, the only exposed skin on his body, as he made the short walk from the station to the pub with Sirius at his side. They were both wrapped in layers upon layers of coats and scarves, and Remus buried his hands deep in his pockets as Sirius looped a glove covered hand through his arm. He was so thickly wrapped up that he could hardly feel the pressure of it through the fabric, and the only indicator that Sirius was still attached to him was an occasional weight pulling down on his right side. He smiled down at him, confident that he wouldn’t be caught thanks to the reduced peripherals of the other. Sirius had forgone a hat in fear of fuzzing his hair, instead opting for a black coat with silk lining and a ridiculously large hood to match. The hood in question seemed to be swallowing him up, but if Remus leaned forward slightly he could just about see a peek of pink nose poking through the dark fur lining.

They turned a corner, pub now in view, and Remus felt the pressure lift from his arm as Sirius picked up his pace, anxious to see their friends. A smile played on his face as Sirius came to an uneasy stop by the entrance, he needn’t have worried about having to walk in alone, Sirius always waited. 

“Heel,” he teased as he reached the door.

“Piss off,” Sirius replied with absolutely nothing but fondness.

“After you, m’lord” Remus bowed out of the way as Sirius shoved past him, barking out a laugh and shrugging off his coat.

The pub was only slightly busier than the street outside, but it was mercifully warmer and Remus immediately started peeling off his layers. It didn’t take him long to spot the Potters, one deep orange and two painfully messy black heads of hair hiding amongst the crowd that had gathered to ward off the winter chill. Lily spotted Remus first, green eyes lighting up as she waved him over. Sirius, who was searching in the complete opposite direction, huffed as Remus yanked him to face the right way and his mood immediately brightened. He rushed over ahead of Remus, and James only just had time to stand up before he was assaulted by a whirlwind of dark hair and even darker clothes. The two men spun for a second, almost spilling several orders of drinks being carried by a particularly worn-looking man in the time it took for Remus to meet them at the table.

“Hello, love.” Lily smiled up at him, doing her best to ignore the chaos on her right.

“I see your oldest is still giving you trouble.” Remus tipped his head to James, who appeared to be trying to deliver various drinks by himself in an awkward attempt at an apology. 

Lily smacked his arm and made to sit down,

“You don’t seem to be handling yours any better,” she quipped, looking pointedly at Sirius who had decided the scene unfolding before him was the absolute height of comedy, doubled over with laughter, tears of mirth streaming down his face as he watched James engage in a pitiful grappling match over the drinks trays with the grumbling man. 

“Touché”

..oOo..

The five of them sat around a booth table lit by a softly glowing lamp hanging from the ceiling, little Harry seemed content to be sitting between James and Sirius, gurgling and cooing as he yanked on his godfather’s hair. The air was humming with background chatter and high spirits, swelling and dipping as the events of some kind of sports match played out on a screen across the room. 

Remus felt a pang in his chest as he stared at the empty seat next to him. It was reserved for Peter who would no doubt be talking his ear off about the ongoing match by now. Remus cast his mind back to when it had been five of them and it had only taken Pete a second to notice a game on the screen by the bar before his hands were waving about wildly as he explained each players strengths and weaknesses, spurred on by James’s interjects, knocking over empty pint glasses in his enthusiasm. 

“I’ll go get the drinks then, shall I?” Lily’s voice cut through the fog that had fallen over them, she headed towards the bar without prompt, leaving the other four to sit in silence.

It felt wrong to sit quietly like this, Remus thought, it was like they were missing a leg and had to learn how to walk again. Harry squawked and wrapped a meaty hand around a lock of Sirius’s hair, pulling down hard.

“Ah ah ah, play nice prongslet.” he winced, brow scrunched in discomfort as he attempted to pry Harry’s fingers open.

Remus found that all he could do was watch as James coddled his son, distracting the babbling toddler with a rattle toy he’d apparently conjured out of thin air. He felt as though he were floating somewhere above his body, like a picture on the wall rather than a man-made of flesh and bone; the soft glow of the lamp that hung above their heads began to prick at his skin, poking at the pits of his eye sockets. He stared at his hands and did his best to ignore the lump sitting at the back of his throat, trying to bring himself back to the present, he didn’t miss the way Sirius’s foot found his under the table. 

_You’re okay,_ he assured himself as the background chatter of the pub became louder but more muffled, as though he was pressed up against thick glass on the other side of a concert. _You’re stressed about Peter, but you’re okay._

He’d been anticipating something like this happening, and he’d been living with Sirius long enough to know that the other man understood what was going on, he trusted his friends to not make a fuss. 

_You’re not too far gone,_ he thought distantly, taking note of how solid Sirius’s foot felt pressed against him. 

His chest swelled with love at something so simple. He wasn’t sure if his face was smiling as much as his heart was, but he found he didn’t mind either way. 

By the time he’d pulled himself back to his seat and looked up, a pint glass had found its way into his hand and he was watching Lily and Sirius speaking animatedly about her hair. He’d thought it looked different, her bangs were curled out at the sides and the layers had been fluffed in a style that resembled Farrah Faucet, it suited her. 

“Feeling alright, Moony?” James spoke gently, his dark eyes steadily bored into Remus.

The scrutiny was a bit unsettling, Remus shuffled in his seat and nursed his pint. It was half empty. He allowed himself a wry half-smile, he definitely felt better now, he was more embarrassed about drifting off than anything.

“Thought I’d pop out for a bit,” he said, playing to an old joke.

“Find anything interesting on your travels?” James smirked but his eyes hadn’t lost any of their intensity. 

Remus felt like he was being studied. Usually, this would have irked him, today he could hardly find it in himself to care at all. A thought pushed its way through his head, elbowing its way to the front. _Today was a bad idea, you’re not ready._ His stomach sank.

“-emus?” Lily was speaking now.

Remus stared at her, barely registering her face. _Get it together, Lupin._

He cast his mind back to various therapy sessions and searched through a catalogue of relaxation methods he'd been introduced to, he needed something physical, something to keep him in the present. By the grace of god he managed to tether his mind down, tying it with steel rope to an iron hoop in the middle of his head. He took another drink.

“Sorry, sorry.” he rubbed his brow, “the cold must be getting to me.”

If Sirius and James shared a look, he chose not to notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are appreciated, I'd like to know if this is worth continuing Xx


End file.
